When You're Gone
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Minerva reflects upon the death of a close friend and lover. Will a letter truly help her deal with her grief?


**When You're Gone**

_  
Where do you go when you're gone?__  
__Oh how the road feels so long- "When You're Gone" Hanson_

Albus was gone. She'd seen his body lying there, broken and ghostly pale. Minerva sat in her private quarters staring at the mirror, inspecting her reflection. Her eyes were rimmed with red and the lids were puffy. Visible tear streaks lined her aging face. She had been crying for the past three days. She wiped at the edges of her eyes one last time before pushing herself to a standing position. Her hair was hanging about her shoulders. With a sigh she moved towards the dresser, pulling out her brush. Hastily she pulled her graying brown hair into a bun. One last look in the mirror and she was out the door.

She joined her colleagues and pupils by the lake to commemorate the life of the Headmaster. Her heart caught in her throat as she saw Hagrid carrying her colleague's limp body. She gave an involuntary shudder as Albus's body erupted in blinding white flames. So that was it. He was really gone, disappearing before all of their eyes. Hours later she found herself sitting in his office, Harry walking out the door. The boy had refused to tell her what it was he and the Headmaster had been doing that year. Minerva let out a sigh and looked up at the portrait of a sleeping Albus.

"What am I supposed to do, Albus?" she murmured to the portrait, knowing she wouldn't get an answer.

She stared out the window, watching the orange and pink consume the sky as day faded into night. As if by some divine inspiration, Minerva pulled open the left-most desk drawer and began to rifle through it. After several minutes of searching, she came upon a scroll of parchment and a quill. There was an unopened bottle of ink already sitting on the desk. She unscrewed the top and dipped the quill into the black substance. She halted suddenly, her hand poised over the parchment.

"This is absurd," she told herself, beginning to draw her hand away from the blank page.

A little voice spoke up in the back of her mind, an awfully familiar voice.

"Is it truly that absurd, Minerva?" it questioned. She could hear the twinkle in its tone. Sighing, she placed the tip of the quill to the parchment and began to write.

_  
My dearest Albus,_

_  
Where do I begin? You have been my companion for years. No, you've been more than just a companion. You've become someone I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with. I think a marriage would have changed us. I truly do. I was not looking for marriage. I was looking for a confidant and friend. You gave me both and more Albus. I'm sure all of this sounds utterly foolish and juvenile to you. But you must have known the true depth of us. I only wish we'd been able to spend more time together. But I suppose we must now look towards the future._

_  
I am truly at a loss. I had not expected this…any of it. I admit, I am unprepared to step into your place. I knew this day would come, but I thought it would have been many years in coming. I do believe that while my mind has begun to accept your passing, my heart just simply refuses to give in. I know you are gone. We all saw it happen but what I don't understand is why? Why did it have to be now?_

At this Minerva stopped writing. She looked up at the still sleeping portrait of the man she had fallen in love with so long ago. She knew that somehow he would be there to guide her. Reassured, she returned to her letter.

_  
I need your guidance Albus. Mr. Potter has refused to tell me what your meetings this past year pertained to. He has declared that he is not returning the coming school term. Honestly, I'm not sure if the school is safe anymore. If Death Eaters could gain entry right under our watch, there is no telling what would happen. I only hope that Harry knows what he must do. I do wish that he had been forthcoming for I have a strong feeling that the Order can help him. Do watch over him would you?_

_  
I must say, I have generally trusted your judgment of character of others but the line has been crossed. He lied to you, he lied to us all. And it's my fault that I'm writing this. If I hadn't told Filius to get Severus, you would be sitting here and this letter would need not be written. But I did send for him, under the assumption that he was on our side. While I know Harry was the only witness on our side, I didn't think that Severus would do anything so rash. I truly hope Albus that there was a reason beyond his apology that led you to take him under your protection._

She paused once more, taking a moment to think and watch the sky turn from pink to purple and blue. This was feeling less absurd by the quill stroke. Somehow she knew deep in her heart that he was reading this as she wrote it and that he would respond. Of course it would not be a written response, or even a verbal one. But Minerva knew well enough that the former Headmaster would be by her side.

_  
It will take time to adjust to this new life. This life without you. But I will take it in stride and prepare to face whatever arises. That is what you would want us all to do. Fight the good fight and live our lives as fully as we can. Rest in peace my love. You will be with me always and in that I am comforted._

_  
Your dearest Minerva_

A smile was beginning to sneak onto the Headmistress's face as she set the quill down and re-read what she'd written. It satisfied her. Deliberately, she folded the parchment in thirds and began to search for an envelope. Finally finding one in the bottom drawer on the right, along with the school seal, she slid the letter inside and sealed it. Flipping it over she picked up her quill one final time and wrote 'To Albus'. The aging witch blew on the ink to dry it and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a small silver key, inserting it into the center drawer. She pulled it open and slid the letter to the very back of the drawer. She would have reason to venture back there. She would leave the letter untouched. That way, he could read it whenever he pleased.

_  
Well I finally found what I'm looking for__  
__Though the road's still long and the light is still far- "When You're Gone" Hanson_


End file.
